Once again mothers day is here.  It's part of life here, something we celebrate.  As children we make little construction paper cards with crayons, glitter and glue, and pick dandelions as if they are long stem roses.  Even today, we thank our mothers for all they have done for us and take them out to brunch and bring them actual roses.  It would be hard for someone to forget Mother's day becuase it's everywhere TV commercials, radio ads, on every store front.  It's really rather ludicrous to think we can thank them for all they have done by buying them a $2.84 card or even a dozen roses or whatever "thing" will "honor" then for all they've done.

I was listening to some radio program a couple days ago and they were talking about Mother's day and a lady called in saying that she had lost her mother and that this mother's day for her was going to be emotional and difficult.  I can't imagine what she's feeling but it made me think about my kids...not much of a leap as they are a part of every part of my life and never more than a moment away from my thoughts.   What's it like to know at 5 or 9 that you can never ask your mom another question?  What's it like to have no one to help you grow up?  To hug you when you have a bad day at school?  Or to make your favorite meal when you fall off your bike and skin your knees?    What is it like to watch your mom die of an illness you don't understand and fear?  What's it like to have relatives discussing at the funeral who is going to "have" to take you?  What's it like to be treated as a servant and to work long hours for your Aunt and Uncle who have now become your only hope for food and shelter?  What's it like to be 7 and have no childhood, facing daily abuse and guilt trips for "burdening" the people begrudgingly for you.  Plagued daily by memories of life before...before mom got sick and died...before your childhood ended. 

There are so many orphans.  I've seen estimate for sub-sahara africa that say there may be as many 48 million orphans in that area alone.  48 million.  It's beyond understanding or belief.  It's hard not to be overwhelmed.  But what our reponse from that state of disbelief says a lot about what we believe about our God and His call on us as His people.  Do we allow that overwhelmed feeling to make us impotent and keep us from doing anything or do we allow that disbelief to make us angry about the state of things and prod us into action? 

As followers of Christ we are called to model our lives after Jesus.  When the children approached him he didn't hold himself as too important for them.  No, he welcomed them with opened arms and chided those who sought to stop them.  We reach out to them and seek to ease their pain.  We put our security on the line and get our hands dirty helping kids that have no responsibility for their situation; kids who have no voice or influence to fight for themselves.  What is the Lord calling YOU to?  Can you pray for one of the kids?  Can you help us financially provide for them?  Can you host a African Dinner and let me tell your friends about what AIM is doing in Kenya?  Maybe something bigger than that? 

We as AIM have taken on these kids.  We are their family but we can't do it alone.  We need people who are willing to be monthly, consistent supporters.  We would like to reach out and help other orhans as well but we are unable to do that until we have people coming along side us and saying they are willing to help.

It all boils down to what we believe about our God.  In James He lays it out clearly: Religion that the Lord accepts is to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.  The orphans are in distress.  What are YOU doing about it?

To financially support the orphanage:

Adventures in Mission
6000 Wellspring Trail
Gainesville, GA 30506
Make a note that it's for the Kenya Orphanage fund.

or contact me directly about having an automatic withdrawl form or to see how to be involved in other ways:   Deniseisinkenya@yahoo.com

While I wait for God's timing of my return to Kenya I am keeping busy working on fundraising and awareness raising for the orphans in Kenya.

The challenge is finding new people to talk to and ways to get the information out. While I was in the Chicago area recently, I hosted a couple of dinners at various friends' homes where I would cook traditional Kenyan foods and they would invite friends over who were open to learning about Kenya. It is great to help people experience this small part of daily life in Kenya. Over dinner we get to talk about the kids and life in Kibera, and after dinner if there is interest I share a PowerPoint presentation with pictures of the kids and more information. This has been an easy way to get more people aware of what we are doing in Kenya. It's been great to help people experience African food for the first time and to see them leaving with recipes knowing they will remember the kids each time they make them. Through this awareness we've also gained some prayer supporters and financial supporters for the orphanage which is such a blessing.

If you live in Kansas, Nebraska, Illinois, Oklahoma or Colorado, Wisconsin, Minnesota or nearby areas and are interested in allowing me to host a Kenyan dinner for some of your friends who might be interested, please contact me! What I would need from you is allowing me to use your kitchen, home, and willingness to invite your friends who might be interested in learning more about Kenya and work with orphans. I'll provide the food, cook and set everything up, and if you or anyone wants to know how to cook Kenyan food I'd be happy to have some cooking help, but I can do it alone as well. Call me and we can work out the details!

Once again, God has shown that my plans are not His plans! As many of you know, Kenya has gone through two months of civil unrest, violence and chaos following the December 27th elections (for more info see my blog at http://deniseroberts. myadventures.org). Due to this, I was unable to return in January as previously planned.

We have been in contact with our friends, staff and the kids via cell phones and email. They are now reporting that calm has returned and held for over a month. We are praying that the new power sharing coalition between the rival politicians will lead Kenya into a new stability and a form of democracy that benefits all Kenyans.

Through this time we've been able to get relief in via wire transfers and some dedicated staff members who have been our arms, legs, eyes and ears on the ground, but it has come time for us to go and see for ourselves how Kenya, Kibera, our friends and the ministry have been affected by violence and divisions that have been accented by it.

Therefore, Lord willing, I will leave for Kenya May 12, along with Scott Nelson (my supervisor) and Jason Driver (guy who was in Kenya with me the first 3 months in 2006). Scott and Jason's schedules and other responsibilities only allow for a 7 day trip. Due to the uncertainty of the situation I will be unable to stay longer until there are other staff members there as well; I appreciate AIM's concern for my safety. I also have obligations for fundraising this summer that were set up before the chaos. I know this time will be frustratingly short as my list is already impossibly long (and that's without anyone there knowing I'm coming) but I trust that God's provision of this time is full of His plan. Our first priority is checking on our staff, friends, kids, ministries and the situation in general. We aren't really sure what we are going to find, how Kibera has changed and how the lives of those there have been impacted. I will be taking tons of pictures to update everyone. I will also be having one-on-ones with as many kids and staff members as I can to see what trauma they have seen and how we can pray and assist them in dealing with it. I also have a long list of people we haven't had contact with (friends from shops, church, and just neighbors) who I want to check on and see how they are.

Please be in prayer for me as I prepare my heart and mind for this time as well as for the trip itself. Pray that God would make his plan clear for this time and as we plan for the future.

Once again I find myself in the land of ice and snow (aka: Chicagoland).  It's good to catch up with friends and be in an area busier than Holdrege,NE. But I find that this trip is also about coming to terms with Kenya's situation.  It's realizing that Kenya has desended to a place where it is unsafe for me to be there.  When I left in August I NEVER believed that I wouldn't be back there now.  It is painfully surreal. 

It's feeling that I need and want to tell everyone who will listen what is going on in Kenya -- ask them to pray, support relief efforts as they are able, just let the world know what is going on.  But on the other hand, it is painful to look at pictures of friends and the kids and knowing how different everything is.  My friend Edward and his family have fled to Nakuru becuase of the violence and don't have any intentions of returning.  Purity and Ivon are still with relatives they went to see over the holiday because it is too violent to safely travel.  When I call friends I hear the pain, fear and discouragement in their voices.

In Kibera it's been a constant struggle to understand why some of God's childrens live in such unbelievable poverty and others live in relative oppulence here in the US.  Now that is even more profound. I sit here in a warm house in Chicago sleeping in a friend's extra room.  I'm safe, warm and have all I need and more. 

Why have I been so blessed?  In the US we have so much.  More than we need.  And yet are we thankful?  When we get that new "thing" we were striving for how long does our contentment last?  When we pray is it about what we want or being thankful for what we have? 

It is with a broken heart that I report that Moreen has chosen to leave AIM House.  She has had a rough life and has struggled to find her place in the house and to live with in the rules that make life with 15 kids organized.  When she came to us 4 years ago she had been taught many strange things because of cults she had been exposed to and had received basically no education as a 14 year old girl.  Now, 4 years later she continues to struggle in school because of her age related to her classmates and due to the face that with 3 years of school she'd been placed in the 6th grade.  We had many tutors work with her but she had grown to believe that she was stupid and couldn't master the subjects she was tested in.  When we worked with her we'd see break throughs -- her doing the best on a timed multiplication table -- and then see it vanish so quickly.  She also had grown to believe that she was being blamed for problems that were not part of her doing -- even when you stood right in front of her and told her bluntly that you weren't blaming her that it was a whole family issue she had difficulty believing it.  Her attitude got in the way of her fitting in well and making friends.  In many ways she's a normal teenager, wanting more independence than she was prepared for and rebelling against rules and authority.  But it's so painful to watch her walk away. 

All we can do is pray that she changes her mind and returns and that we will have means to help her at that time in a way we haven't been able to.  We've spoken a lot about this with eachother on staff and with Eva, our house mom.  We are all broken hearted and in pain watching Moreen walk away but we can't force her to stay.  We can't force her to accept the help we are offering.  We can't force her to understand how her life will be different and difficult without education.  We can't make her understand the protection offered to her by living in the house.  We must trust that we have shown her the Lord's love and taught her scripture and how to walk in Him and we must trust that He is there with her even when she is far away.  Above all, as she returns to her relatives to live, we pray that she makes wise choices and that the Lord will protect and guide her.

As I've spent time thinking and praying and crying about this these past few days the Lord has shown me how often I act like Moreen.  He is standing in front of me offering His help, His love, His plan but I think I know better and I walk away.  He could force Himself on me but, in love, He won't.  I realize how often I have grieved His heart by my rejection of Him and how the situation with Moreen gives us a small prespective of the pain we cause Him everyday -- by not spending time with him, by treating prayer as a last resort rather than a first defense, by trying to do things in our own strength that would be so much easier and better done in His.  Why do I continue to act like a rebellious child when the God of the Universe is offering His perfect help, love, grace and provision?  God forgive me.  And yet everytime I, the prodigal daughter, return he is there with open arms.

Please join us in prayer for Moreen as she lives with her relatives that she would remember the Lord is with her and that He loves her and that we love her as well.  Pray also that she will know we are here with open arms ready to love her.

The latest news out of Kenya is that over 300 have died and 70,000 have been displaced in the wake of a flawed election. Please help us reach out to the poor who are most affected with a donation to help us buy food for the orphans in the slum of Kibera. Any money you give will be wired directly to our base to buy food.

Click on the Link below to give now to the Relief Efforts!
https://www.adventures.org/give/donate.asp?giveto=kenyaBaseRelief

The country's economy has shut down and most neighbors at our Kibera base simply have no food to eat - the situation is dire and they are desperate. Alex is an example. He is a close Kenyan friend of ours who was shot in the uproar and languishes in a hospital with minimal care.

Our Kenyan staff has asked God what he would have us do and they feel that he wants us to help provide food and share the love of Christ in tangible ways. Yesterday some of the poor in our neighborhood were able to buy a few small vegetables at a very inflated price. Those in the slum who already struggle to get food on a daily basis are suffering the most.

When we buy food, we work with local pastors to distribute it to those in the worst condition. There are a few staging areas beginning to develop and two have been identified thus far that we are going to try and fund.

Please help bring hope to this horrible situation.

The past few days have been overwhelming.  I find myself glued to any news I can find.  Scanning through news pictures searching for a glimpse of a familiar face, wanting assurance they are okay.  We've now gotten confirmation from all but 3 of the kids that they are safe and well.  And I've spoken to many friends on the phone and been able to confirm their safety and mutual friends' safety.  And yet my stomach is in knots. 

These people have become my family.  The kids are so much a part of who I am now.  They have been entrusted to us by God -- we have become their family.  So I sit here wondering how I am to react to this.  I pass on information and ask others to pray and pray constantly for them but in the face of the violence, unrest and madness it doesn't seem like enough.  In my western mind set I want to be able to SEE results.  I want to be able to fix the situation.  To somehow be able to get them the food, safety and peace they so much need.  I want to guard the kids from seeing, experiencing and hearing things that will rob them of their already warped childhoods.  But I realize that this says more about me than I realize. 

I say that I know God is in control, but I can't sleep.  I say that I know God will provide for them, but I worry non-stop.  I say that I know God will protect them, but I want to hear their voices and be assured that they are okay?   Jesus told Thomas "Blessed are those who have NOT seen and yet have believed." I need THAT faith!

I find it ironic when people treat missionaries as if they are more spiritual or have it all together.  The reality is I have learned more about faith from the people who live in Kibera than I will ever teach anyone.  Why is it so hard for me to go from heart knowledge of the truth of the promises God has given us to living out those truths in my daily life?  I miss the times when I could go into a church and just be Denise, warts and all, and not have the title "missionary" warp people's perception of me.  I don't have it all together.  I screw up so much I have decided that God chose to use me because then there would be no question as to who was running the show - I just have to work to keep out of His way.  The people in Kibera have so much to teach about what walking out faith really looks like.  When I call pastors in the middle of what is essentially a war zone and all they can say is "The Lord is taking over" it confirms that I have so far to go.

Father, forgive my for my failure to believe You are who You say You are!  I know you are at work in Kenya and are right beside each child and adult I have come to love in Kenya.  I know that You love them more than me and that Your heart breaks for the violence that is taking place.  Father, restor peace and calm and bring glory to your name through all of this.  Draw each one of our friends closer to You during this time.  May they learn great things from You and may Kenya forever be changed to be a country marked by Your hand.

This is written by my friend and co-worker Kayla on the current situation:

I just spent several hours calling many of our friends in Kenya to inquire about their wellbeing amist the chaos and violence.  It did my heart good to hear them as up until this point we've been unable to reach many of them.  Turns out that 2am (11am in Kenya) is an excellent time to reach them, ha.  Here's the latest report:

Everyone is living in fear of what will happen this Thursday.  The opposition leader, Raila, has called for a million man march in protest of the presidential election in which he lost.  The current government under President Kibaki has banned all such protests and plans to thwart all plans.  The word is that police have been given the order to "shoot to kill" anyone who tries to get to Uhuru park downtown where the march will begin.  Police will be out in full force.  The march is then planned to walk (all million people) from downtown to the State House, which is the headquarters of the current President.  According to Raila, his people plan to storm the State House and take over by force.  This has the potential of getting much worse than we've already seen. 

Currently, no one is allowed anywhere in downtown Nairobi and business and daily life has come to a standstill.  Some reports say that the Kenyan government has declared war on the slums, such as Kibera and Mathare.  Yesterday they were patrolling all roads and no one was allowed in our out of Kibera.  This means no food is available at all.  People are bunkered in their homes fearing the nearby gunfire and praying for peace in this land.  There are lots of people dying and the constant cloud of tear gas choking others out. 

One of the most gruesome stories circling is that the gangs are traveling from home to home breaking in, looting, then asking to see the ID cards of all in the family.  If they discover they are of the oppossing tribe(s), they are severely beaten and some are shot and killed. 

The Kibera protesters are found fighting police, raiding homes, looting shops, and chanting "No Raila, No peace" meaning they will not be peaceful until Raila is the President.  They are desperate and feel like they have nothing to lose, so they're willing to lose their life for this cause. 

The latest news is that the electoral commissioner has just admitted to swearing in President Kibaki under great pressure.  This confirms the many suspensions of corruption in the voting results.  The US Ambassador as well as political officials from many other countries are now involved in the investigation and ongoing communication with Kenyan officials.  The goal is peace in this war-torn land. 

As I watch all of this unfold on TV, I see very familiar sites and it's hard to believe that this is really happening.  Videos of our neighborhood and familiar landmarks around Nairobi are all overf the news.  As you can imagine, this hits close to home for me.  I fear for the safety of loved ones in Kenya.  But I am confident that the Lord is still on His Throne!  I will continue to stand in the gap and intercede on their behalf.  Thank you for joining us in prayer in this crucial hour. 

If you want to know more about what is happening, check out CNN or BBC or the other various news websites.  There you will find articles, pictures and videos covering the violence.

Thanks again for standing with me in prayer over the nation of Kenya! 

This is written by my friend and co-worker Kayla and gives updates on more people:

Reports from our Kenyan friends and what they're saying:

Michelle:  they're doing ok.  Although currently displaced from their home, they have found a safer place to stay for a bit. 
"It's obvious there will be war on Thursday...millions fighting and deaths."
"We don't know what turn Kenya will take. We don't know how to manage if it doesn't improve soon."
"People are desperate and willing to die fighting."
"We are in desperate need of a miracle from God."

Liz: doing ok, currently staying with Michelle and family. 

Ramla: Doing ok.  Her family is all ok for now.  Her shop (and livelihood) however was looted and all is gone.   "Please pray that Thursday there won't be war."

Pastor Steve: Remains in Kijabe along with Simon and Margaret. Ok, but feeling the tension. 
"There's nowhere to go to get out of it.  So we will remain, praying and hoping for a better day."

Monica: Her storage place where she keeps food for a children's feeding program was looted and everything was stolen.  At night in her neighborhood, the men sit guard outside while the women and children try to sleep inside, fearing sudden attacks.  The boys (Oscar, Albert, & Oliver) remain upcountry until things settle and word is that they are safe. 
"It's war within the tribes now, but God has protected us." 

Ronald:  He sent his wife and kids upcountry for safety.  He's staying with a friend in the Jamhuri area.  His car (and livelihood) has not been injured in all the destruction. 

Pastor Timothy & Pastor Sheth:  Denise spoke with them earlier.  They are all holding on, bunkered into their Kibera homes.  In the same situation with no access to food.  Crying out to the Lord. 

Pastor Humphrey: all of Toi market was completely destroyed and his church remains standing in the midst of the surrounding rubble.  It was looted, but not destroyed. 
"they tried to burn it, but the fire can't take that place!"

Pastor George:  referring to the protest march on Thursday, "Many people will die on Thursday."

Richard: "Things are very horrible in this country."
"We don't know who to trust because in some places it's even neighbor turning against neighbor."
"Night comes and you wonder when day will come again."
"Instead of fireworks for the New Year celebration we had gun fire, night and day."
"We are refugees in our own country."
"God will breakthrough!"

As I heard the stories of horror unfolding hourly in Kibera my heart crushed for my friends.  However I must trust in the Lord to carry them through such a time.  I pray a fire wall of protection be around them and over them.  I pray for a miracle in impeding the rally planned for Thursday.  That a declaration of peace will be spoken and walked out instead of war.  Our friends were all encouraged when I told them that we were calling for all to gather here and pray for Kenya.  They all send their gratitude for your prayers. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for joining us in prayer!  May God be glorified!

I called Pastor Humphrey the pastor of Toi Calvary tonight as I'd seen pictures on BBC of Toi market having been burnt down and wanted to let him know we were praying for him and his church.  He reports: "The church is still standing."  What!?  I saw the pictures.  I know the church is in the middle of Toi market.  How is that possible.  "They tried to burn it with fire but fire can't burn it".  Mind you, this church is made of nothing different from the surrounding stalls that have been reduced to rubble: tin, plastic and wood. 

Ten families from the church have had their homes and all their posessions burnt or looted but "No one has lost their life.  Even the small children are all safe."  "Only God we depend on."  He asks for prayer for the families who have lost their possessions and homes and for peace but sees this as "the Lord taking over".

The next phone call was to Pastor George the project manager of our school.  He also asked for peace and echoed every person I talked to tonight: there is no food in Kibera.  He asked for special prayers for a planned rally on Thursday where those backing Raila are asking for 1,000,000 people to march.  George's thoughts on it: "Many people will die."  We are asking for you to gather with friends and be in fervent prayer for Kenya from 6pm Wednesday night to 6 pm on Thursday.  Fast if you are able.  Call your Church's prayer chain.  Have friends over for a prayer meeting.  We need to actively be on our knees before the throne for peace to be restored.  Please email and let us know you will join us in this: deniseisinkenya@yahoo.com

I also spoke with Eva who is seeing that they are okay with food today but has just heard that her father, upcountry, is extremely sick and is obviously unable to go to be with him.

I spoke with Francis who we help with schooling and he reports that he and his family and neighbors haven't slept much since December 26th when the chaos began.  They are also in fear of their houses being looted or burned and have no food.  They also live in fear knowing that many people have been killed in their area.

Pastor Mike again echoes that there is no food.  All the shops on Olympic and in most of Kibera have been looted and burned.  People tried to come into his house as they were going house to house killing Kikuyu but he was able to explain that he's not Kikuyu and they were satisfied and left (God alone!).  He is hopeful that the US Ambassador and the British Prime Minister are now going to meet with Raila and Kibaki and work on a solution.

That is the report for now.  Keep praying.  There is much fear.  But there is also a feeling that God is in control and He alone can right this situation and quell the chaos. 

Again, please join us in active prayer from Wed. 6pm to Thursday 6pm for peace to be restored, tribal tensions to ease, safety for all our friends and loved ones and special protection for our Kikuyu friends who are at special risk.

God is in control and "Loves Kenya so much" (to quote Pastor Mike).