Where are all the Christian men?

  Those of you who know me know that the lack of guys in ministries and churches has been on my heart for a long time. In the US, when I worked with Chicago Outreach Ministries how often we would go to do outreach to the homeless in Chicago (mainly men) and have only one or two guys in each group. In Kenya our teams are always so lopsided to the girls. The current team is one of the best we’ve ever had and still the girls outweigh the guys 2 to 1. Now I know much has been done and said about why this is and I’m really not trying to get into that debate. 

In Kenya one of the glaring gaps I see is the lack of Christian men. In Kibera the vast majority of people we work with are single moms or children of single moms. Fathers are sorely lacking. While walking through the slum with our current team I was talking with Joel, one of the team members. I shared the story of a girl one of our teams befriended who, at 20 years old, sincerely believes that men are incapable of being faithful to their wives. Her father has always had a mistress. She doesn’t even see the point in looking for a husband who is faithful…she sees it as a myth.

I walk down the road here and often am faced with men yelling sexually suggestive things. Knowing more Swahili just means that I understand more of what is yelled. When I ride public transport how many times hands have been in places I’d deck someone in the states for. I hate that. Each time it happens and I start to get frustrated I wonder what the girls at the orphanage face everyday just walking to school. When guys do pay them attention it’s because they want to have sex with them…and sometimes they flat out tell them that. I can go back home and get away from it. I can hang out with guys from our team who are gentlemen and protective of us and are respectful. I have so many guy friends in the US who are such amazing examples of what a Christian man is to live like. I grew up watching my dad and so many others in my church who were great examples of Christian men. Where are those for this generation here? Who is modeling to the boys how a Christian man acts? I was sharing this burden with Joel and it really hit him hard. He may be the only Christian man that some of these children see for a long time. What a responsibility for a 20 year old guy.

The following day the kids from the AIM House came over to play with the team. I was busy making pizza for the team’s dinner but kept peeking out the window to see how things were going. I realized at one point I hadn’t seen any of the girls for a long time and was curious what they were doing. So I walked outside and peeked around an out building to find Amanda, Megan, and Joel sitting on the ground surround by 7 of the AIM House girls who were practically sitting on Joel. He was laughing and having them teach him Swahili and letting them pull his leg and facial hair and basically loving them as Jesus would. It was such a perfect picture.

Kim, one of the other leaders, came in and relayed another story. Safia was playing soccer with the AIM House boys and with the other guys on the team. She tripped and fell and James, one of the guys on the team, rushed over to help her up….probably without even consciously thinking about doing it. Kim said the look on Safia’s face was priceless – complete shock and yet tickled at the same time. I love that the AIM boys playing with them saw that.  I wondered how many girls in Kibera would never meet a Joel or James. How many will never see how a Christian man could love them just because they are people and not want or expect anything in return?

Don’t get me wrong. There are Christian guys here. I have some friends who are great ones and we work with some pastors who are stellar examples. But they are a painful minority and almost an anomaly here.

Please pray that God would capture the hearts of the men and boys here. That they would be changed and would change their society and model it to the next generation. That they would seek to love their wives and children as Christ loved the church as they are called to (Ephesians 5:25-33) – not seeing that as a burden but as an honor and a high calling. Pray that God would show the women and girls here that they are worthy of respect and honor. I don’t expect this to stop being a patriarchal society. But the lack of Christian men is causing the children to loose faith that marriage and relationships as the Bible spells them out is possible. Pray that men here would feel their need for a Savior and be forever changed. Pray that more guys would come on AIM trips to model it and encourage and disciple guys here.